


requiem for hawkins and a hymn for san diego

by strawberryfire



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, idk what this is lmaoo, just felt like being a try hard poet aight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22271968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryfire/pseuds/strawberryfire
Summary: Steve's only ever fallen for people named after lakes and rivers; he's always felt like he's drowning. He likes to think Billy is the lifejacket that'll save him.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Steve Harrington
Kudos: 6





	requiem for hawkins and a hymn for san diego

**Author's Note:**

> this is like,, completely ignoring season 3. this happens before that shitshow lmaoo
> 
> hope yall like this!!

“I got your back, always, Hargrove. We’re in this shit together, alright?”

Maybe it was the bruised arms and black eye Billy was sporting when Steve found him at the quarry on a Thursday in November or the fact that both boys were awake at 2 am when the whole town was fast asleep; who knows. It was twisted, the way Billy felt as if he could throw his burdens onto Steve without a second thought. Steve felt the same. Nonetheless, Billy didn’t ask about the white knuckles wrapped around a bat, Steve didn’t ask about the scars.

He said, I got your back, we’re in this shit _together_ , without a _second_ _thought_. Hawkins had its fair share of bullshit, but this, _Steve Harrington,_ he sure as fuck wasn’t bullshit. But, Billy didn’t want to believe that. He wasn’t supposed to let his walls down to a boy he once beat up, yet here he was.

“You don’t know me, Harrington.”

“No, but I want to. If that’s alright with you.”

Silence. The moon was full and shining bright on the lake down below, the stars twinkled in the eyes of a boy Billy was supposed to hate but by God, he was seeing California. 

Steve sits down beside Billy on the trunk of the Camaro, “I don’t think you’re, y’know...a hard person to like, or love, for that matter. Think you just ask the wrong people to try.”

Billy lights a cigarette.

“Nobody deserves to be lonely. I know how you feel...this town is so boring, and if you’re alone in it all, I can see how it would drive you insane.”

Billy scoffs, “You don’t know loneliness at all.”

Steve smiles and Billy swears it’s the saddest smile he’s ever seen, “I do, trust me. I sit up in that big house of mine alone almost every day. My parents...they forgot my birthday again this year,” He shakes his head and sets the bat down, “So they sent me the same thing they did last year. And the year before. And the year before.”

Billy hesitates, but asks, “What is it?”

“A book. It’s this Walt Whitman poetry book that I’ve read a million times. I don’t even like Walt Whitman.”

Billy’s expressionless face slowly turns into a smile and Steve smiles too, then they both bust out laughing. Laughing at how tragic their lives were, how they were both so poetically  _ alone _ in Hawkins, in Indiana, in the world. 

And every night after, closing their eyes became easier than it seemed. Billy would lay in his bed at night and smile at all the tiny things Steve told him and Billy understands that being with someone like himself isn’t quite the best place to be, but Steve didn’t mind. Steve felt the same way. He would feel his broken heart mend a little bit more every time he thought of those pretty blue eyes; he felt like he could finally love again. 

Their first fight, after the night at the Byers of course, was in December. 

“Harrington, I  _ told  _ you. I’m fine.”

“Billy, you’re bleeding, please let me help you. You always do, why is tonight any different?” 

It was the night Neil finally got arrested, the night Billy and Max were finally set free. But, Billy seemed as if he wasn’t happy and Steve couldn’t understand why. 

“ _ Jesus,  _ I can take care of myself! I don’t need your help!” 

And Steve had snapped. He never yelled at Billy, never yelled at anyone;  _ not anymore. _

“I swear to fucking  _ God,  _ Hargrove!” Steve throws his hands up and runs his fingers through his hair, “You are my best fucking friend, alright?! All this time, I’ve been worried about you. All this damn time, I’ve tried to be there for you. I’m so sick of you pushing me away! I’m so sick of being just…just a fuck to you! I’m not asking you to love me or any of that shit! I just want to help you get better!”

Billy’s head is pounding, he feels like throwing up and passing out all at once, everything is a blur—including the words coming out of his mouth, “You can’t fucking help me! I’ve told you that a million times, Steve! I’m a lost fucking cause, doesn’t fucking matter if I love you or not, which I  _ don’t _ . I don’t love you, I don’t love Max, I don’t fucking  _ love _ anyone and I never will!”

Steve clenches his fists as his side and he wants to punch Billy, or a wall or  _ something.  _ Before he can calm himself down, Billy gets a shit eating grin across his face, “Go on. Hit me. Come punch me, pretty boy. Do it.”

Steve lets out a sigh, “I’m not gonna punch you, Billy.” 

“Oh, c’mon. For old times sake.”

“I’m not. Gonna. Hit. You.” 

Billy laughs, one of his loud roaring laughs then he throws a punch square to Steve’s face. He stumbles and falls back onto the Harrington’s living room floor. Billy keeps punching and  _ punching,  _ leaving Steve with a busted lip, bloody nose and black eye. Right when Billy’s about to hit him again, Steve grabs his wrists tightly, “Stop. Billy, Billy  _ stop.” _

Billy has tears pouring from his eyes as he collapses on Steve’s chest, sobbing and letting his arms fall. Steve wraps his arms around Billy’s waist, “I got you. I got you, shh sh. I’m right here, it’s alright.”

And maybe that night was when Steve had a wake up call. He was searching for love where he couldn’t find it.

January they barely talk, besides basketball practice and in classes. They have a couple more fights, fuck a couple more times—nothing more, nothing less. February rolls around. Billy’s staying in Hopper’s trailer and he hasn’t shown up to school for a few days, so Steve makes some of his Nonna’s spaghetti and drives out to the woods. 

Steve knocks on the front door, “Hargrove? It’s Harrington, um, I brought you some food. Haven’t seen you lately, kinda worried.” 

He hears rustling around and a huff, then the door unlocks and opens. Billy’s standing there in his boxers, cigarette in his mouth, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Steve smiles, “I made some spaghetti, rememberin’ you saying that was your favorite.” 

Billy sighs, “Gee thanks.”

He steps inside and frowns at the mess of the trailer, “Here, sit and eat. I’ll clean up for ya, okay? Maybe we can go, like, into Chicago and get ya a plant. I dunno.”

Billy snorts, “Fucking dork, a plant? Really?”

Steve shrugs, “I just think that’d be nice.”

“Mhm.” 

March is Steve practically living with Billy, skipping school, quitting basketball, and making out at the quarry until their lips are sore. April is full of the same. Billy was falling and falling and  _ falling _ —completely and utterly in love with Steve. Steve loved Billy unconditionally and Billy knew that. 

In May, the evening after the graduation ceremony, Billy goes to Steve’s house in the middle of the night like always. He finds Steve, quiet and alone, sitting by the edge of his pool. He’s got a cigarette in his hand and Billy instantly is unsure of what to do; because Steve sure as  _ hell _ doesn’t smoke anymore. Steve’s still in his suit, with his graduation cap beside him. Billy slowly walks up and sits beside Steve without a word. Billy can see his cheeks are wet with tears and he looks…exhausted. 

“Hi,” Steve whispers. 

“Hey,” Billy replies, his voice soft. He’s  _ terrified  _ because he was holding  _ some _ kind of fragile thing and he could say  _ one  _ wrong thing that could shatter the moment. He would never hurt Steve; not anymore. 

Steve rests his head on Billy’s shoulder and sighs, “I just…need to sit here with you.”

Billy nods, “I can do that.”

And that’s just what they do. They sit there in the May silence, the humid spring air hanging above their heads. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion as if they’re stuck between reality and wherever you go when you daydream. 

“There was this one time...when I was 16, my parents took me to Alaska. It was the last trip we ever took together as a family and there’s this...this lake, we stayed by Nancy Lake. The first boy I ever kissed was named James, it was at the Palisades in New Jersey. There’s a James Lake here in Indiana. When I was 10, I almost drowned in Lake Michigan. It’s like...the universe keeps drowning me over and over and over.”

Billy lets out a shaky breath like he had been holding it in for hours.

“I keep telling myself it’s for the greater good and every time I feel like I’m drowning it’s supposed to be some...fucking wakeup call or some shit,” Steve brings his cigarette up to his mouth and runs his fingers through his hair, “It’s all just bullshit. Life is  _ bullshit _ . Hawkins is  _ hell _ and I’m stuck in it, man.”

The sound of cicadas rings in their ears and Billy turns to look at Steve, the pool light dancing off his glossy eyes, “I’m right there beside you, Steve. We’re in this together, remember?”

Steve meets his eyes, silent. He leans forward and presses a kiss to Billy’s lips; it’s soft, tender. 

“I’d be perfectly fine with drowning in you, though,’’ Steve says so  _ hushed _ , like it’s a damn  _ secret _ like he’s saying it so quiet ‘cause he doesn’t want the devil to hear, “Thank God I got some pretty ocean like you.’’

Billy just smiles and nods, because he’s an ocean for damn sure. But one that’s dark and stormy, with no land in sight, no lifejackets. He’s not safe for a lost sailor like Steve. Even if Billy had a lifesaver; it had holes in it.

The third week in June, right when Billy starts his lifeguard job, Steve disappears. Billy tries to ask Tommy, but he’s off in Florida. Carol’s in New York. Nancy and Jonathan are busy with work. Billy ends up driving Max to the Wheeler’s one evening and he decides the last minute to go down to the basement with her.

“What do you want?” Dustin huffs.

“I just want to know if you’ve seen Harrington,” Billy asks with a sigh. 

Dustin’s attitude seems to change, “Actually…no, I haven’t. He talked to me, like, last week at the mall about how much he hates his job and hates Hawkins, typical teenage stuff. Didn’t think anything of it. Maybe ask his co-worker? They seem to be friends.”

“Alright. Thanks, you shit.”

The next day, Billy drives to the mall with Max and Ellie Jane in the backseat going on about how much they hate Mike and Lucas. Typical teenage shit. He walks to Scoops, absolutely hating the sheer amount of humans around him. There’s a punk lookin’ girl with messy eyeliner and the most bored look on her face. 

Billy goes up to the counter with Max and Ellie beside him, “Order what you want, kiddos.”

Robin looks up and grins, “So this is the Cali boy Stevie never shuts up about.”

Billy raises an eyebrow, “How can you be so sure?”

“Pft,  _ please.  _ He always goes on about your hair and shit, it’s the most annoying thing on the face of the planet.” 

“Well, I was actually wondering if you’ve seen him.”

Robin shrugs, “Nah, figured he skipped town or some shit. He’s been actin’ weird lately.”

Billy sighs, “Did he tell you if he was goin’ anywhere?”

Robin shakes her head.

Four days later, Steve is filled as a missing person. The kids are clinging to Billy now, desperately trying to find out where Steve was. Obviously, they all assume the worst—that he’s in the Upside Down. They go to Steve’s house and Ellie Jane tries to find something that’s important to Steve—but she couldn’t connect to anything, not even his pillow. 

Billy stands by the pool and stares down at the water, silent. Ellie Jane walks out and stands beside him, linking her arm with his, “I think…you love Steve.”

He looks down at her, “You’re a kid, Ellie. So am I. Neither of us know what love is.” 

“No, but I can tell you care about him. More than any of us. He’s your best friend.”

Billy nods, “He is.”

Ellie stays quiet for a bit, rests her head against Billy and closes her eyes. She’s suddenly standing on a sidewalk in a neighborhood, the sound of waves crashing in the distance. There’s people riding their bikes down the road and the sun is pouring in through the trees flowing in the sea breeze. The smell of flowers fills the air; it’s peaceful. She turns to a small blue cottage with a white picket fence and vines creeping up the walls. Steve walks out with an ice cold lemonade in his hands and he sits down, waving at the kids who pass by on their skateboards. He looks sad, his eyes are puffy, but he’s got a smile on his face. 

Steve looks in her direction and keeps staring, like he sees her. She opens her eyes back up, and she’s back to standing beside Billy in Steve’s backyard. 

“Hey, hey, you okay?” He asks, his hands on her shoulders. 

Ellie wipes the blood from her nose and nods, “Steve is…at the beach. He’s in a blue cottage somewhere in a nice neighborhood.”

Billy whispers, “What?”

“I went to where he was. The street said…Bayview Drive.”

Billy’s heart almost drops out of his feet, “He’s in  _ California _ .” 

“California?”

“Yeah…it’s…it’s far away.” Billy walks back inside to where Hopper is looking around, “Hop, he’s in California.”

Hopper raises an eyebrow, “How do you know.”

“I saw him there,” Ellie says quietly. 

“Is he okay?”

She nods. 

The middle of the night a few days later, after spending a good amount of time with Max and Ellie Jane, Billy packs up his things and fills his Camaro with gas before hitting the road. He blasts AC/DC, knowing that Steve would  _ so  _ be rolling his eyes and bitching about, “You’re driving  _ way  _ too fast, Hargrove.”

Billy catches himself crying once he gets on the interstate. He didn’t realize how much he missed Steve until he’s driving, without Steve by his side. Whenever the nightmares got bad, they’d drive around backroads until they’d calmed down or found a demodog to beat up. Billy realizes he hadn’t slept and he hadn’t smiled since Steve left. And, that Steve left without a word. Sure, he  _ had  _ been acting a bit weirder than normal. Billy didn’t think anything of it. He never thought to ever ask Steve if  _ he _ was okay because Steve was so busy making sure  _ Billy  _ was okay. 

Billy’s driving past golden wheat fields once the sun begins to creep over the open and silent road; it’s beautiful. He feels as if his heart, the earth around him, is split open like a fresh wound and he’s  _ tired _ . But Steve…his heart is Billy’s too. 

Once the sea breeze hits Billy’s face, he starts crying again. The California sun feels so warm on his face, it’s all he needed; his soul feels mended. 

He knows exactly where Bayview Drive is, since it was minutes away from where he grew up. He knows that little blue cottage that Ellie Jane described since his mom  _ always _ envied it. 

Billy finds it once the sun is setting and he feels like speeding away, throwing up, passing out; all at once. 

After a few minutes of Billy trying to not have a panic attack, he gets out and knocks on the door. 

Steve opens it up and his breath is ripped from his chest, “Billy…”

He smiles a little, “Y’know my momma, she loved this house. Always wanted it, but we never knew who owned it. I just…she’d be so fucking happy if she knew I was startin’ my life here with a boy that I love you.”

Steve tears well up in his eyes and he flings his arms around Billy’s shoulders. They stand there, clinging tightly to each other and Billy, for some reason, doesn’t feel mad at all. He’s not mad Steve left without saying goodbye because they both knew in the end, their wild and fluorescent hearts would lead each other home. 


End file.
